


One Breath

by izzybelledot



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kagami is a good friend, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Angst, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng doesn't get a hug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Kagami Tsurugi Friendship, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Deserves Better, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Has a Hard Time, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Please Don't Hate Me, Projecting, Trauma, Traumatized Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Triggers, Unspecificated male mentioned briefly, Whump, You Decide, im so sorry, im sorry, rly, ughghghghg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27138116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzybelledot/pseuds/izzybelledot
Summary: Every time I see a fanfiction where a character is sexually harassed or raped its used as a plot device to encourage romance between other characters. And I think that using healthy romance to escape bad situations and trauma is 100% valid- but I want to see more like this. Where recovery isn’t hugs and kisses and cuddling to sleep. Where it’s confusing and angry, and hard to accept help or love. I want to see a character reach out to a friend, and not being able to jump back to their feet with some conveniently placed panic attacks or nightmares.Let it be rough, and painful, and unresolved. Because in my experience- that sort of thing doesn’t go away. Even when you haven’t thought of it for months you will reflect back on it randomly andhurtas bad as the first time. It’s ugly and cruel, and conflicting.Your mind is not filled with switches and blacks and whites. It is filled with scales that jump inexplicably and are measured in an alien language.But that doesn’t mean you can’t heal.
Relationships: Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Kagami Tsurugi, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Tikki
Comments: 5
Kudos: 76





	One Breath

Marinette felt tainted.

Not like she had something gross and unidentifiable caked on her or soaking through her clothes. It was more like how oil paint stained your fingers, making your skin feel wrong and gross but not being able to get rid of it or even see it besides a faint tint. Her skin wasn’t bruised or bloodied, it was pale and sweaty. The edges of her leggings seemed to tingle against her ankles, and her eyes flickered between being squeezed tightly and being wide open.

She had an urge to press her forehead into her mattress and sob though her eyes were dry. But as she rocked forward to do so she felt as if the shadows formed hands to rest against her back and thighs. So as quickly as she rocked forwards, she lurched herself backward. The corner of her room where her loft bed rested seemed to repulse her, so she sat in the center of her bed with indecision and unshed tears staining her skin. 

She didn’t know how long she had been here.

It had been weeks since the incident, maybe that wasn’t enough to get over it but it should be enough to stop feeling this horrible. Sexual harassment and rape weren’t that uncommon for humans as horrible as it was, but she had never once seen any sort of checklist for her to follow. No character who struggled to look in the mirror and wear clothes that were remotely form-fitted and sleep at night. 

She didn’t get nightmares.

But before she could sleep she would replay that in her mind, unable to stir her thoughts away or hurry the train of thought past the situation. When she finally seemed done with it she would double back and rewatch it. 

The one good thing to come of this was her increased proficiency. She had started to sketch, and sew, and do anything and everything to keep her mind occupied before finally passing out in the early hours of the morning. Her online store had double the profit, she’d made herself two new sweaters with pockets large enough to carry two sketchbooks if she so desired, and she had cleared up enough time to accept another commission from Jagged Stone.

He’d been extremely impressed with the jacket she’d made him, and she was proud of it too actually. 

But tonight was different from those days where she’d stay up in a creative frenzy until her head hit the pillow. It wasn’t an especially uncommon night for her, but no less horrible. 

So she sat in her bed knees tucked under her and arms wrapped around herself in a tense hug. 

“Hold on, Marinette,” Tikki whispered to her. Her heart hurt for her chosen, but it was hard to catch someone’s attention when they were so out of it. Especially at her size. She had already sent out an s.o.s. so it should be fine. She just had to wait, even though it killed her to stand by. She could only try to pry Marinette’s fingers loose, patting her arm and wiping away tears.  
Then she flew away suddenly.

“Marinette.”

She recognized the voice, but not the significance behind it. Still, she felt the mattress below her shift as the person settled on the edge of the loft bed before her. She could see some red leggings and a black shirt but couldn’t tell who it was.

“Look at me, Marinette.”

She let her gaze snap upwards for a moment, taking in calm features and brown eyes. _Kagami. ___

__She smiled slightly, still not moving forward. “That's better. Marinette I need you to take your hands off your head.”_ _

__Marinette felt her fingers clench even more around her hair as if fearing their imminent removal- though they were hers and not having their own mind._ _

__“Marinette, you are going to pull your hair out if you don’t release it. Grab the sheets beneath you.”_ _

__The stinging against her scalp seemed to flare more at the thought of being torn out and she relented. Bunching the sheets between her fingers roughly before looking back up at Kagami. “Please.”_ _

__“I’m here for you. You are doing well, it’s alright, but you need to slow your breathing now.”_ _

__Marinette tried, counting in her head to time her breaths. It didn’t work at first- her losing count to her personal frustration. Eventually, she managed it, Kagami stayed quiet aside from the occasional hum of encouragement. Her elbows rested more on her knees, staring at Kagami as she consciously breathed._ _

__“Hey.”_ _

__Her voice was rough and wet, but Kagami showed no disgust or appraise so Marinette let it be. “Hello.”_ _

__A short silence stretched between them, Marinette’s pulse still thundering in her ears. Kagami didn’t seem especially well-versed in these sorts of situations, but better than most people._ _

__This wasn’t the first time she had talked Marinette through a panic attack._ _

__“Do you want a hug?”_ _

__Marinette's breathing picked up, and she could only shake her head jerkily. Kagami didn’t look especially surprised, only resigned. Still, Marinette felt more guilt clawing its way up her throat. She loved physical affection and had never missed the chance to give her friends hugs- especially more touch-averse ones like Kagami. Hugs from Kagami were treasured and spoke to her trust in her more than any other._ _

__She trusted Kagami._ _

__She did, so why did the thought of a hug make her want to vomit?_ _

__“Marinette, look at me.”_ _

__Tentative eyes met Kagami’s own, and Kagami looked back unflinchingly. “It is understandable that you would reject physical contact right now. I asked more for the sake of allowing you a choice than any preconceived expectations from you. Everyone heals differently, and to claim otherwise is foolish.”_ _

__Marinette looked down, trying to calm her breaths where it stuttered in her chest. She looked up quickly, seeing wandering hands creep in at the edges of her mind._ _

__“Marinette, look at me,” Kagami repeated gently. Kagami’s breathing was slow and methodical, obviously exaggerated so it was clear to the naked eye the pace she was breathing at. “Follow my breaths as best you are able. One breath at a time.”_ _

__Marinette fought to follow her lead, feeling tremors run through her as her adrenaline lowered. Her skin became colder, the hair on the back of her neck and arms standing up. She felt like she’d just run a marathon, only her energy had been ripped from her flesh instead of flowing through and out of her._ _

__Still, Kagami’s eyes remained on hers tranquilly. And eventually, Marinette found her breathing even without much concentration, her limbs limp against the covers instead of the tense clenching from before. The clock flashed four a.m. across the screen, but Marinette didn’t notice it. Kagami didn’t either, she had pretty much just run straight to the bakery and to the spare key when she’d received an s.o.s. from Marinette’s phone._ _

__“One breath at a time,” Kagami repeated evenly._ _

__

__“One breath,” Marinette breathed out._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Every time I see a fanfiction where a character is sexually harassed or raped its used as a plot device to encourage romance between other characters. And I think that using healthy romance to escape bad situations and trauma is 100% valid- but I want to see more like this. Where recovery isn’t hugs and kisses and cuddling to sleep. Where it’s confusing and angry, and hard to accept help or love. I want to see a character reach out to a friend, and not being able to jump back to their feet with some conveniently placed panic attacks or nightmares.
> 
> Let it be rough, and painful, and unresolved. Because in my experience- that sort of thing doesn’t go away. Even when you haven’t thought of it for months you will reflect back on it randomly and _hurt _as bad as the first time. It’s ugly and cruel, and conflicting.__
> 
> _  
> _Your mind is not filled with switches and blacks and whites. It is filled with scales that jump inexplicably and are measured in an alien language._  
> _
> 
> _  
> _But that doesn’t mean you can’t heal.__  
> 


End file.
